Once in a while, a crazy patient* comes to visit the hospital, leaving me with a crazy story to tell after. Here are my best stories.

*I do want to point out that those patients are sick and not being silly on purpose, it’s just our human natural reaction to laugh, sometimes just because we are feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

 

On the file of bed 8 was written male age 42 came to the E.R. due to pruritus (fancy medical name for itching).

First thing he said to me was “I was bitten by a spider” which is a very serious complaint, which I took very seriously, until he continued “it laid eggs in my skin and I feel now all the baby spiders hatching from the nest in my leg, and I managed to catch the spider-mama in my thigh, and another two in my arm and my chest”.

I asked bed 8 politely to show me the nest; his legs, arms and chest were filled with self-inflected wounds he made trying to catch those imaginary spiders.

“You see now doctor this one, he is crawling inside my skin, can you see it?” I couldn’t, I really couldn’t.

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The man in room 17 I heard before I met, he had psychosis and actually hurt one of the nurses. The day after no one wanted to come near him, but someone had to draw his blood.

Room 17 was strained to his bed; I asked politely if I could draw his blood, scared he might take the needle and attack me. He answered softly and politely.

Room 17 had a neighbor 17 and while drawing his blood, a fight broke between neighbor 17 and the nurse; apparently he didn’t like the crazy man. Neighbor 17 shouted a lot so finally the nurse gave in and they changed his room.

When I finished drawing his blood, room 17 asked me for water and what the fight was about. I lied and said neighbor 17 didn’t want to catch bacteria and asked for a private room.

“He is right, but why acting so crazy?” I really liked room 17 😀

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Bed 11 was crazy from first sight, she walked around barefoot, talked to herself, entered places she shouldn’t.

And then she became pregnant, I mean, bed 11 put a bunch of sheets under her shirt and walked around with a 8-month-like belly, telling everyone she is expecting.
And then she gave birth, I mean, bed 11 told everyone she gave birth and left a trail of sheets on the floor.

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My last story happened today and inspired me to write.

Bed 4 has a cute butt. How do I know you ask? Well…

Bed 4 is a drug addict that came to the E.R. unconscious. He was quickly being connected to the blood pressure monitor, oxygen mask and I.V. tubes.

And then, like a movie, I saw him waking up to life, and with a weird gaze he just walked off the bed, pulling out everything he was connected to without even moving his hands and just walked straight, with his butt and back exposed.

Bed 4 managed to walk to the other E.R. hall before a brave nurse walked him back to his bed.

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